Oh the weather outside is frightful, but these links are so delightful. You know the drill.
Incoming freshmen classes continue to entertain.
Columbia Cottage is closing because of disputes with their landlord.
CCSC does things.
Jimmy Fallon had a pretty good first show.
Pussy Riot is back in jail.
Soccer players having fun in the snow.
Got some middle of the week blues? Don't have any plans for a Tuesday night? Luckily, the Morningside Heights arts and food scene is at your service.
First off, a double-header — Orgo Night and Varsity Show rekindle their year-longrivalry with competing performances tonight. The 120th Annual Varsity Show Preview is at Havana Central at 8 and 10:30 PM, while the CUMB's Orgo Night Preview is at 9:45 on Low Steps. Tickets for the Varsity Show Preview are $3 at TIC and $5 at the door, while the Orgo Night Preview is free! The marching band has also created parodies of the typical V-Show posters.
In both cases, don't expect a full show, or anything that'd give away spoilers for the full performances in May!
Tomorrow, Dig Inn Seasonal Market, the health food restaurant that's replacing Cardomat, is having its grand opening at 11 AM. As part of a promotion, they're letting customers order a marketplate, sandwich, or salad at any price they want. All proceeds will go toward the non-profit FoodFight NYC.
Expect a full review from us before you go!
Be sure to take advantage of all three of these opportunities, and enjoy the rich culture that can only be found in the Columbia bubble.
[Photo credits: The 120th Annual Varsity Show | Columbia University Marching Band | Dig Inn Seasonal Market]
Today, we begin our series of guest posts on student groups at Columbia. While some clubs do little outside weekly meetings to foster a close-knit culture, others are communities in themselves. Such "fraterniteams" do more than just compete or perform — they fulfill important social functions and make our campus life what it is.
First up, we have the sexiest Model UN group alive: CIRCA.
You can pick out any Hellenic-esque organization worth its salt by its cultlike general body e-mails. In CIRCA, these e-mails have been known to end with "speculative fiction quotes" from sci-fi and fantasy novels. Each club president sets his or her own tone for the group. The organizational structure of the club cascades downward from there in tiers and curliques that are relatively inscrutable to outsiders.
You know you have a club with a sense of brotherhood and fraternity when you have involved alumni, some of whom still come back regularly to check in and visit events, and many of whom have been willing in the past to hold panel discussions with current CIRCA members and give advice about the "real world."
Today, at 4:00 pm sharp, Columbia College blasted out a link to its latest annual report, urging that "you to take a few minutes to read about your classmates’ and faculty members’ achievements, to learn about alumni engagement with the College, and to celebrate the commitment of our generous donors and volunteers." Here's what jumped out after those few minutes.
46% of current CC students "declared two or more programs of study"
48% of students received financial aid, the average award being $38,580
More 2013 grads are doing TFA than anything else
$32.7 million was donated to the College last year; of the Columbia College Fund, 55% went to financial aid, 30% to students services, and 14% to the Core
The 2013 Senior Fund garnered over $25k from more than 750 students. Nine 2013'ers gave more than $1,000.
You can see whose parents of your classmates donated, and how much. Ctrl+F away.
With the onset of real drama that has enshrouded Columbia student government this past week, it's easy to overlook the continuation of the fictional drama series House of Cards. Having re-watched the first episode of the series, I was quickly reminded of just how twisted and vile politics tend to be.
Unlike Columbia student government, however, House of Cards has effectual leaders who know how to navigate the diplomatic realm without getting caught in all the commotion. If Columbia student government followed the example of Frank Underwood, well...let's just say that campus equivalents of Slugline wouldn't pose much of a problem to them anymore.
Before you read on, though, here are three qualifications to this post: 1. All references to "CCSC" are equally applicable to ESC. We are an equal-oppotunity snark blog. 2. Only minor spoilers for either season lie ahead. 3. This post is totally, 100% serious.
So without further ado, here's the Frank Underwood approach to Columbia student government.
Frank Underwood knows his priorities. He has a set goal in mind -- the position of Secretary of State, and revenge against those who denied him that role -- and is willing to pursue any means to accomplish it. Image problems, such as the Youtube parody of his debate against a union leader, are of little concern to him.
On the other hand, Columbia student government tends to get caught up in the various gossip and drama that publications like us thrive on. Consider the fact that student council went on a weekend leadership building retreat upstate, where our beloved student leaders learned, apparently, how to lead. (Meanwhile, the rest of us plebes played beer pong in EC, though, of course, CCSC isn't any stranger to that either.) While some would say this reveals a class disparity between student council and the rest of us, we say it doesn't matter. Why should public opinion get in the way of a thirst for power? To put it bluntly, Daphne Chen’s goal was “to touch people.” Frank Underwood's goal is to eliminate people.
CCSC released their annual report last December to much fanfare. We got a sense of their overall spending, but what I really learned is just how dedicated our leaders are. One point of contention, the attendance record, showed that 14 out of 34 students had perfect attendance. One member, Ben Kornick, missed 2.5 meetings to work on other student council projects, which he cited as part of the reason for his resignation. Fans of accountability, rejoice!
Frank Underwood would be shaking his head. Accountability, schmacountability! Let the people know as little about back-room deals, political alliances, and intrigue as possible! Keep them distracted with study breaks and free t-shirts. After all, Insomnia Cookies are the opiate of the masses.
Stop sending press releases at midnight!!!
Now here's where Frank Underwood would approve. CCSC has the right attitude for politics, with no man being an island...except during election season. Student leaders exude confidence, which is key. Your ideas are the best. You are right, and nothing is right enough or strong enough or attractive enough to stand in your way. No one has time for self-doubt and pessimism. This approach has worked in the past -- it's not that student council elections went uncontested. The competition was just too awestruck by the incumbents to run.
Unfortunately, we live in a risk-averse governmental culture. In Frank Underwood's eyes, when publications leak CCSC documents and report on scandals under the veneer of “increasing governmental transparency,” it dissuades our leaders from acting like actual politicians. These so-called watchdogs act against the interest of government, and therefore, America. Do you hate America?
If our government intends to be successful, it can’t have patience for standing still. Stillness is inaction. Walk, no, run, CCSC! Run! What are you afraid of? So take a tip from Frank Underwood, lest the marching band's assessment last Orgo Night comes true: "Now that CCSC's on the case, things are sure to change really soon…"
[Photo credit: digitaltrends.com]
In the wake of CC '16 Class Representative Ben Kornick's resignation, there were rumblings of an indirect election to fill his post. However, CCSC President Daphne Chen announced last night that direct elections will be held, with voting to begin on Monday, March 3rd. Candidates must register by February 23rd (this Sunday), and can do so at this link.
Ben Kornick himself released a note to the class fo 2016, urging his peers to consider running:
“I decided to resign from council for personal reasons and to focus on initiatives I am working on both for council and outside of council. I will still work closely with council, but as an appointed member not as an elected member. We need you to help us fill the slot now—if you are interested, please apply for the position!”
- Ben Kornick
The full press release, and election schedule, is below...
Election Announcement
Columbia College Student Council will hold a direct election for the Class of 2016 Representative vacancy. All members of the Class of 2016 are eligible to run. This election will allow the Class of 2016 to vote directly for their class representative, who will serve out the term until the end of the academic year. Although short, this 9-week interim is a huge opportunity to contribute to the sophomore experience. All interested candidates should register at the link below by Sunday, Feb. 23. The campaign period will officially begin on Thursday, Feb. 27, and the winner will be announced on Wednesday, Mar. 5.
Any questions or comments can be directed to ccsc@columbia.edu or to the Elections Board at student-elections@columbia.edu. Good luck!
Dig Inn is opening today, and running a "Pay What You Want" promotion from 11 am, while supplies last. Yeah, we know - free food is always worth it. The real question you should be asking: Is Dig Inn worth full price? Luckily, The Lion got a sneak preview yesterday of all the goodness Dig Inn has to share, and we're ready to tell it to you straight.
The Good
Dig Inn's got this super cute farm-to-counter (a la farm-to-table) concept, and the decor is pretty sweet. Other than the paint fumes, which we're sure will dissipate soon, Dig Inn has a warm, inviting environment with a rustic feel. Definite plus for someone a little too used to M2M's upstairs seating area.
Like every restaurant in the area, Dig Inn has its own version of buy __ get __ free! The actual card says "Dig Inn 10 times and your next plate is on the house." I see what you did there. (Caveat: $8 minimum purchases only.)
As for the food: it's definitely several steps above M2M and any Columbia Dining facility. With options like roasted beets with toasted pumpkin seeds, Hudson Valley mac and cheese, and flame grilled red peppers, we would call this a solid, satisfactory choice for reasonably healthy food. Nothing mind-blowing, but nothing terrible. Along the walls, they also sell "in-between-meal snacks" like kale chips and granola. Get 'em while they're...cold?
Anyways, the highlight of our night had to have been the cookies. Way more complex than any chocolate chip cookie has a right to be, those sneaky sneaks snuck oats into the chewy goodness, and we didn't hate it! Plus, the batter's lightly salted, and I'm a sucker for salted sweets.
The Bad
30 person capacity squeezed into a space for 20. There are a couple of tables crowded into the middle of the place, but really, we can't see this as a sit and chill hangout spot - it's more a grab-and-go while squeezing through crowds. Sure, no place in New York is exactly spacious, but this felt a party in a Carman double.
Furthermore, prices hit you at the weirdest places. Why is a large roasted chicken entree $9.19? Or a turkey carver sandwich $9.64? A small soup is $3.68 - but definitely not $3.65. Be prepared for a ton of pennies coming your way. Also, we don't appreciated being charged extra for wanting mac and cheese as our side. It's cheese, for heaven's sake. Is nothing sacred anymore?
The Ugly
The "raw and cold-pressed daily" juices are absolutely delicious. Like, crazy good. So why not grab a bunch and guzzle them down? Because it's going to cost you more than your food at $8.51 a pop. Good luck with that.
The calorie counts are included on the menu in super tiny print. Good thing, too, because they probably don't wnat you seeing that the Happy Salmon Salad has a whopping 744 calories without dressing. (For the record, that's more calories than any of the sandwiches, except the Turkey Carver.) That does not make us happy lions.
Here are some pictures from the event.
Goodmorning! Because we foolishly believe that we cannot live as solitary hermits, we have to keep in touch with what's going on in the world around us. In the spirit of making society work, here is your morning briefing!
CCSC announced that there was time to fill Ben Kornick's old seat with direct elections. Yay democracy!
In addition, Bill De Blasio, in an attempt to reduce traffic unveils some sweeping changes.
There is food! Good food at Dig Inn! Enjoy yourself!
In Sochi, militia used whips to attack Pussy riot members.
Antigovernment protests in Ukraine killed dozens.
Governor Cuomo wants to toughen NY smoking laws.
Perhaps, most importantly, Jimmy Fallon won a lot of money at the Tonight Show.
Keep living your American Dream, Columbia.
Shreyas Vissapragada and Ojas Sathe braved the cold to watch (and record!) yesterday's Orgo Night Preview.
If you’re a fan of “events you should have definitely been at and pregamed for,” boy, do we have the event for you! The Columbia University Marching Band brought their unique brand of brash, bold, and beautiful humor to Low Steps tonight to perform a preview for this semester’s Orgo Night.
With the backdrop of the SEAS 150th Anniversary lights on the pillars of Low, the Orgo Night preview certainly had the right atmosphere. Unfortunately, the freezing temperatures seemed to dissuade much of the audience that would have gladly packed into Butler 209. In addition, the band was flanked by members of maintenance that seemed to be moving various tables and chairs into a truck. Maintenance clearly stopped for no band. However, that didn’t stop the cast and crew of the Varsity Show (which made up perhaps half of the audience) from showing their support and continuing the friendly rivalry between the two organizations.
The 15-minute show tackled several familiar topics: the Butler porn video, falling ceilings in McBain, and of course, the perennial favorite — PrezBo’s hair. Much of the focus was on the ongoing Sochi Olympics, including jokes about the terrible conditions for reporters and some of Vladimir Putin’s more homoerotic photo shoots. To that extent, the event felt less Columbia-specific, though we can't blame them, considering not much has happened yet this semester.
The CUMB made a good number of lighthearted jokes about the Varsity Show (“Lighting team, great job! Writing team, stay the fuck away from our script!”) and the show’s budget (“For $100,000, you get 4 performances! For $5, you get an Orgo Night, a blow job, and a chicken over rice!”) which were generally well-received, and in many cases, even sparked some cheers from Varsity Show participants themselves.
Several jokes brought laughs to the frigid audience, but apart from the group of Varsity Show cast members dancing to the right of the audience, the CUMB didn’t seem to get much of a reaction from a lot of their jokes. In addition, we couldn’t help but feel like many of the jokes were rehashed from previous Orgo Nights: the Pupin-poopin comparison, the suicide jokes, and the aforementioned fact that PrezBo’s hair was, in fact, real.
However, this preview did bring something new to the table. One difference from previous Orgo Nights was a welcome increase in performers. We counted 4 or 5 as opposed to the usual 2. This was a great way to get experience for some of the up-and-coming bandies, which should make the real Orgo Night all the better.
And acting almost as a rubber stamp of approval, even in this short preview in the bitter cold, there was controversy. At the beginning of the second joke, the band remarked, “It came as a surprise that no one died at the winter Olympics.” At that moment, an older looking man (perhaps a B-schooler) yelled, “that was in bad taste, bud!” As expected, the band responded in a flurry of “fuck you’s.” The band proceeded to mock the conditions in Sochi, comparing them only to “Bob Costas’ eyes.” The band promised the small audience, however, that as bad as conditions were in Sochi, they were even worse, here at Columbia.
Some other highlights:
Do you think any of their jokes were “in bad taste?” Like the CUMB? Hate them? Let us know in the comments!
Orgo Night is Thursday, May 8 at 11:59 PM in Butler 209.
Short of a gif post, we at the Lion will do damn near anything for a click. So: here is an offer letter sent to a Columbia College student from Bank of America. It is for a job as summer analyst in investment banking. Click away.
We'll cover the important item — the pay — first:
Your regular hourly rate will be $19.23 and your overtime rate of pay will be $28.85. These regular and overtime hourly rates are based on the Company’s current Analyst salary of $70,000 per year.
The Company will provide you with a housing stipend in the amount of $2,000 intended to assist you in securing housing for the summer. The amount of this stipend will be reduced by required taxes, withholdings, and other authorized employee deductions as may be required by law. This stipend will be paid to you after your Start Date.
That, plus a travel reimbursement, is what the analyst wll make.
Conditionally — the analyst is on the hook "if you engage in 'Detrimental Conduct.' "
[I]f it is determined at any time that you have engaged in Detrimental Conduct, the Company will be entitled to recover from you in its sole discretion, any and all component(s) of the financial cimmitments described herein.
Detrimental Conduct is very broadly defined, and certainly includes the violation of the following (also broadly defined) Confidentialiy Agreement (which was almost certainly violated in the creation of this post):
You agree that to the fullest extent permitted by law, the circumstances surrounding the negotiation of, and the specific terms of this letter, and any and all actions by the Company and you in accordance therewith are strictly confidential and, with the exception of your counsel, legal advisor, tax advisor, immediate family, or as required by applicable law in connection with your seeking to enforce your rights hereunder, have not and shall not be disclosed, discussed, or revealed to any other persons, entities or organizations, whether within or outside the Company, without the prior written approval of the Company. This provision specifically refers to your co-workers and other associates within the Company. You further agree to take all reasonable steps necessary to ensure that confidentiality is maintained by any of the individuals or entities referenced in this paragraph to whom disclosure is authorized.
Then other wonkier bits about regulatory issues, conflicts of interest, etc. That's all in there if you care.
The media policy is, predictably, very strick, too. Here are the most important parts:
As a matter of policy, no employee, without the prior involvement and approval of the Corporate Communications department, is authorized to speak to any member of the press, either on or off-the-record, or on a background basis regarding Bank of America or the business of the bank.
If contacted in person or in other ways by the Media with general or specific comments, simply state "Please address your questions to Bank of America Media Relations.If contacted in person or in other ways by the Media with general or specific comments, simply state "Please address your questions to Bank of America Media Relations.
If you are asked to discuss with the media an activity you are involved with outside of your role with the company, i.e. school board, work with a non-profit association, please coordinate with Corporate Communications
Failure to comply with this policy can subject the employee to disciplinary action, including the possibility of termination.
[Note: Enclosed were five documents: (1) the offer letter, (2) the media policy, (3) a political contribution form, (4) an outside directorship disclosure form, and (5) a NY state wage verification form. Only the first two are included in this post, since the third and fourth are just plain boring and the fifth is a public form, anyway. Bank of America Media Relations, please address your questions to thecolumbialion@gmail.com.]
Last night, the 120th Annual Varsity Show had its West End Preview at Havana Central. Theater neophyte Sean Augustine-Obi and grizzled veteran Alexandra Warrick were in attendance. Here are their thoughts on the performance.
The pillar added character.
At Columbia, second chances are few and far between. So when the decision was made to have Eric Donahue of V119 fame co-write this year’s Varsity Show, with much of the same cast as last year, I was torn. Would this be a chance to address the criticisms and shortcomings of last year’s show, or would it fall short of expectations? Judging from the content in the West End Preview, the potential exists for this to be a Varsity Show that avoids many of last year’s pitfalls and showcases ever-present Columbian sensibilities.
While the West End Preview aims to emulate the real thing, certain aspects that differ from the upcoming May performance, such as the lighting, the set pieces, and the venue, make it a unique experience in itself. (A large pillar by the stage was the performance’s 6th man). Rather than one overarching plot, the show functions more as a tour through various Columbia-related threads while introducing the main characters.
Although the preview isn’t meant to spoil the storyline of the full play, a few plotlines were pretty reminiscent of last year’s Veesh. For example, a brief scene had a tyrannical RA character force one of her sexiled residents back into his room, not unlike Vivica in V119. (“Oh God, the passion is so palpable!”) And while the words “weather machine” never made it to the script, the preview included warnings of a winter apocalypse, an announcement by James McShane cancelling classes, and mentions of snow falling heavily enough to allow a swim test across Broadway. While weather-related quips are timeless and accessible to all the undergraduate schools, as opposed to Columbia College-specific jokes, I’m somewhat skeptical that this type of humor will manage to have the same impact come May.
The script relied on some traditional fallbacks that brought several laughs - frat stereotypes (“I’ve never met anyone so obnoxious, and my roommate was in ADP!”), pop culture references (Lorde and House of Cards abounded), and Columbia mainstays (Lerner ramps!). To add to the humor, the preview’s cast of characters played off classic Columbia stereotypes, such as a “pre-med engineer high on Ritalin.” But while some characters were hits with the crowd, others, such as a hipster girl from Writer’s House performing slam poetry, and a dance instructor conducting a recital via Facetime, were less endearing and led to a few awkward silences.
Veesh continued its commitment to sex-positivity with a scene about a McBain resident (Ellie Beckman) watching a threesome across the Shaft, ending in an invitation for the peeping Tom to join in. A later development involved a student and his absentee roommate, a stereotypical headphones-wearing football player frustrated with the team’s performance. After some awkward small talk, the two suddenly started making out, which got a lot of cheers. The two actors had a great dynamic, and I’m looking forward to see how it plays out in the full performance.
Each year, the cast’s vocals and musical ensemble are highlighted as the Varsity Show’s strong points. In this department, Sam Balzac in particular delivered, and Elizabeth Sun stood out on violin. Some of the song’s lyrics, though, were hit or miss. The first song about Columbia’s nightlife and the “campus that never sleeps” was quite memorable, but the second song was probably the show’s weakest offering. After building up the mood between two characters, Rob and Jenny, including a somewhat dated Titanic reference, the two lovers...took out Hamdel sandwiches and performed a musical number where they asked the audience,” Can you read the subtext?” Puns aside, a later song about protest had cleverer lyrics, playing off of Columbia’s “Spirit of 68 (or 69, or 67, or whatever)” to deliver an entertaining number about how Columbians “invented useless protest.” One great line encapsulated popular sentiments: “I protest everything cause that’s just who I fucking am!”
Undoubtedly, the scene that stole the show featured a pompous PrezBo, his cluess intern, and the newly appointed naive Student Affairs Dean Pipstein. With several CU-specific jokes that hit the mark — “We used to be St. A’s without the cocaine! — the audience was left rolling with laughter. The scene also included a great musical number by the PrezBo and Pipstein characters about the decline of Ivy League elitism and the need for Columbians to “bleed blue.” Looks like #4 just isn’t good enough anymore.
The V120 Mission statement says that this year, “we will push the boundaries of the model of The Varsity Show to create a product that is fun and meaningful as its process.” Judging from the West End Preview, they seem to be on their way toward that goal. The humor was light, but fitting, and the potential exists for a compelling plot where disillusioned protesters impeach PrezBo. This would not only address many of the criticisms of “The Great Netscape,” but also offer Veesh the chance to capture many of the issues currently on the campus zeitgeist, such as discussions about activism and the status quo. As long as the creative team sticks with what works and is willing to toss out what doesn’t, this year’s Varsity Show is sure to deliver.
Packed house.
I’m just going to come out and say it: I am an absolute Varsity Show virgin. As a freshman tentatively wading into the theatre scene here on campus, I’d heard murmurs about Veesh from day one - its cultlike reputation, its supposed hyperselectiveness, and the fact that, when you’re in VShow, you’re in VShow, to the exclusion of all other extracurricular dabblings - but when I entered the back room of Havana Central for their West End Preview last night, I hadn’t so much as seen a YouTube clip and knew nothing of the show’s typical tone.
When the fresh-faced, energetic, and undeniably talented V120 team launched into their opening number, my first question was whether we were meant to read Veesh as self-aware or as...played entirely straight. The smiles were near manic, reminiscent of squeaky-clean acapella rictus grins. The gang deserved props, however, for pulling off a high-energy, committed performance in such a non-optimal space (the performance “stage” was shallow, undergrads were crammed into every nook, and a big ol’ column stood directly in the middle of the space.) Then again, disgruntled yuppies always tend to pull off Fight Clubs in cramped basements, so maybe working with what you have can elevate your efforts.
Before I get to any gushing - which is warranted for several aspects of this production - I’ll first get to what has primarily nagged me about VShow. This Veesh (and, I’m told by a smattering of seniors) can have moments of really killer writing, but sometimes slides into an area I’m going to dub Buzzword Humor. Buzzword Humor is a gag style where the joke is that they mention a thing on campus, like a building or a local bar, and everyone chortles because hey, it’s a thing that’s a thing. The two predominant brands of Buzzword Humor in the preview that I noticed were the one that centered on THE YOUTH (kids inexplicably said “peeps” and “turnt” a bunch, a couple young whippersnapper acronyms like “FOMO” and “YOLO” were awkwardly fucked into the script back-to-back) and COLUMBIA STUFF (HamDel, Glasshouse Rocks, and the inevitable barrage of Prezbo jokes.) It got to a weird point where the crowd chuckles at namedrops like Lerner Ramps felt hollowly Pavlovian - are you laughing because it’s funny, or because it’s a bit of Columbiana that you recognize? Which is not to say Buzzword Humor is broken - at its best that night, it made for really snappy scene stingers, such as an observation on the struggles of life filtered through Beyonce and a grouchy dismissal of our generation in a reference to our “Macbooks and Kanyes.”
It has to be acknowledged that the Varsity Show is a difficult one to write - with every new year, you need to find new ways to approach familiar campus topics and string disparate concepts neatly into a cohesive show, so I really admire Eric Donahue’s moxie in attacking the job not once but twice. However, shouldn’t Columbia University and its - sorry to sound hackneyed - vibrant community be a stepping-off point for wildly divergent plotting, not just a source for a litany of jargon meant to elicit cheaply-won laughs? Also, the parodic nature of VShow means that characters do have to be painted with sort of a broad brush, as the show aims to poke fun at certain campus characters you tend to see around MoHi. Stock characters are not necessarily “bad” characters. But what makes a stock character pop are the specific quirks you weave into the general template of the character.
A solid example would be John Mulaney and Bill Hader’s collaborative work on the Saturday Night Live character Stefon. If given an archetype like “preening club kid”, you could write something recognizable, funny, but ultimately forgettable. What Mulaney and Hader did was give the character a panoply of identifying quirks and specifics that pushed the performance past lazy stock. Having a “Writer’s House Beatnik” character stand on a chair and bark “God is dead” does not an incisive parody make, regardless of the performer’s own charisma.
An additional nagging thought: I’m withholding my judgement before I see V120 in full, but I’d really love to see a dark Veesh, a weird Veesh, a Veesh that gets edgy, taboo, confrontational. I’d like to see a Veesh that takes risks like creepy-ass discordant Sondheim scoring, that maybe even plunges into meta, self-parody territory. I want to see a Veesh that stares directly into the void and lets the void stare back at...okay I’m losing my train of thought here, but I realize that, going off of what older students have told me, Varsity Show is a Columbia tradition as comforting and dependable as a JJs grilled cheese and is almost obligated to appeal to a broader audience.
With all that nattering out of the way, there were some really divine moments of the West End Preview where the crowd absolutely exploded and I understood the hype entirely. The always charming Sam Balzac and spunky Lindsay Garber won the room’s hearts with a supercute, cleverly-written duet, the unconventional conceit of which centered on the aphrodisiac qualities of HamDel. A vignette in which a pair of roommates’ awkward and stilted relationship spontaneously takes a turn for the homoerotic tore down the house - as any Latenite kid knows, nothing beats a well-placed bout of unexpected macking - and a snippy dubbing of Maison Francaise as the “murder shack next to Kent” was an oddball gem. The best number of the night was far and away a saucy, sinuous song by Prezbo, played with a showboating, Billy Flynn verve by Sean Walsh, with a floppy-haired, earnest Kyle Marshall complimenting his mannered villainy as Dean Pipstein.
The night’s sampler ended with a strident student rebellion song against Prezbo’s snow day-related tyranny that struck the closest to my expectations of Veesh, as it Trojan Horse-d in a pretty pointed, incisive criticism of student mentalities that went beyond simple “lol hipster” dismissiveness. The cast sings of rebellions of years past but get the dates and details blithely wrong, and one student even asserts that her snow-related struggle is more extreme than conflicts over oppression in Columbia’s past, solipsistically claiming it is “worse because it’s happening to me.” The song absolutely nails how messy and disorganized mobilizing for change on campus can be, and it’s also a pretty funny riff on Les Mis’ cadre of student freedom fighters.
In conclusion: should you see V120? Yes, you should. Will it be a mixed bag? I assume. I’m told that’s how it is every year, but it’s in the process of being constantly revised, so jokes that didn’t hit last night may not necessarily be in the final product. All I’m sure of is that you’ll definitely leave Roone Arledge with at least one of the revue’s infectious tunes power-drilled into your head.
The 120th Annual Varsity Show will have four performances on May 2, 3, and 4.
Correction: We initially posted that the Varsity Show's dates are May 3, 4, and 5. Sorry!
If my floor lounge is any indication, midterms season is in full force. If my floor lounge is any further indication, you're probably really unprepared for said midterm. All your favorite boy bands have been there, though. They've even written some songs that are supposedly about girls but I'm pretty certain are actually about the horrible process of taking a midterm. Let me map it out for you:
The best (and by that I mean worst) part about midterms is that they always fall at basically the most inconvenient times. You have a paper next week and 500 pages of reading for (insert class here)? Congratulations, you also have a midterm for that one class that you've skipped more lectures than you've attended. Those midterms only want you when you're already taken by a hundred other school obligations. This is the part where you start internally screaming (or internally singing, if you're Harry Styles) "Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? You only love to see me breaking, you only want to see me breaking" at your professor. Or the midterm itself.
"2 in the Morning" by New Kids on the Block
Right, you've got a midterm next week that you're completely unprepared for. Better start studying. JK, you're a Columbia student! You're going to wait until the day before and play the game that we all play: telling yourself you'll start studying at six p.m., then when it gets to six, promise yourself you'll start at seven, so on and so forth until it's two in the morning the night before and you're debating cracking open your book or going to sleep. This song is technically about putting off a fight with your significant other so it's just sitting there as the elephant in the room while you keep avoiding it, but I'm almost positive that New Kids on the Block were actually referring to an exam they didn't want to study for. There is no feeling more universal.
"Impossible Things" by 98 Degrees
You're on your way to the exam and you're probably going to fail, given the whole didn't-start-studying-until-two, pulled-an-all-nighter, now-cracked-out-on-too-much-Red-Bull-and-Coffee thing you've got going on. But that's okay. If you believe, you can achieve, right? As 98 Degrees puts it, you're probably feeling something along the lines of "I’m messed up, I’m stupid, I’m suddenly useless now, now I’m beat up, I’m foolish, you’re all I can do right now, now." But the key's in that last line. Yeah, you messed up, and it was pretty stupid. But you can take this exam. You're gonna do it. Midterms are "like a dream that make [you] do impossible things, impossible things, impossible things."
"Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys
Why did you think you could do this? There's a reason it's an impossible thing and there's a reason all those study websites tell you to study an hour a day for two weeks or something absurd like that. You're an hour into your exam, you stare down at the page, and all you see is "empty spaces [filled] up with holes, distant faces with no place left to go." Especially if you're a science major, where the exams are especially sadistic means of unusual torture and no one is supposed to do well for the sake of the curve. The Backstreet Boys know how you feel as you stare down at your exam, probably thinking, "Baby, my baby, it’s written on your face, you still wonder if we made a big mistake." Except you're not wondering. You messed up.
This song covers literally everything from handing in your exam to finding out your grade. Seriously. "Smiling, like there's nothing wrong, you're good at smiling, so keep it plastered on" as you walk out of the exam room, faking it 'til you make it because you just bombed that thing, and then "don't say it's all for the better, oh, I need you to lie, to lie to me, I'll stand for the greatest pretender" while you try to convince yourself that maybe it wasn't really so bad, even when you get the exam back and really, really don't want to look at your grade—"Let's close our eyes and save the truth for one more night."
But you'll have to look eventually, so here's your honorable mention:
"Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis (which is not a boy band)
Don't worry, little lion. You'll get 'em next time.
Today's high is 45. Rejoice!
The Vagina Monologues' opening night is tonight! And go while you can, because closing night is tomorrow.
Today's the first day you have to pay real money for Dig Inn, a farm-to-counter place that opened where Cardomat used to be (B'way and 112th/113th). Is it worth it?
Can we all just take a chill pill with the library seating thing? You do not need more chairs to browse Facebook on.
Pussy Riot takes on Putin in an anti-Sochi video.
Someone in California is a lucky b*stard - and $425 million richer.
See that? That is a Columbia Alumni Association Visa, complete with Butler in the background, and it exists. It was sent to a recent Columbia graduate as part of a mail solicitation.
We'll let it speak for itself: the mailing strongly suggests (a) that either Columbia University or the Columbia Alumni Association sells or leases the personal data of graduates and (b) that CU and CAA the use of their logos.
We contacted Robert Hornsby and the CAA last Tuesday for a comment about how often Columbia does this and what Columbia gets for it. Photos of the mailing campaign are after the jump.
Details worth noting on the below images:
Envelope, with the Columbia logo mocked up as if it were the return address:
Letter, with the CAA logo on the card: 
[Note: the above photo is not a real card. It's a sample included in a mailing.]
SEAS students, I feel your pain. For the past few days, you've probably been sporting some cozy beanies, some nice shirts, and munching on free food from Engineering Week events. (Well, after you're done waiting in line.) And that just doesn't sit well with us CC students, apparently.
I've been in a couple of conversations lately where CC students have asked, "If engineers get their own week, when's ours?" Aside from really un-self-aware comparisons to Black History Month (every week is Columbia College Week!), there's an actual explanation for this.
Columbia College Days, CC's counterpart to Engineering Week, was organized by CCSC's Campus Life Committee until 2012. These were in April, and also had free food and giveaways. However, in 2013, CCSC made the decision to replace the week with the Columbia Music Festival, culminating in Bacchanal. Last year, this brought Hoodie Allen, Macklemore and Flosstradamus to campus.
Ben Kornick, who's in charge of the Columbia Music Festival, hinted in his resignation letter that the festival would be nine days long this year. Coincidentally, this is just as long as Engineering Week this year, if you count the IMAX event next Monday. So in the end, Columbia College students aren't being gypped out of anything. SEAS students have enough on their plate with problem sets. Let them have this week to celebrate.
[Photo credit: WikiCU]
Okay, so everyone knows football doesn't have the best record. In like, decades. But besides the usual small sport successes like fencing and archery, did you know our ski team is pretty kick butt too? Last weekend the Columbia Alpine Racing team competed at Regionals, pulling out a 2nd place Ladies' Alpine finish - which means they're going to nationals!
The ski team gets serious about senior costume day [Credit: David Copolon].
Highlights of the event you didn't go to includes standout Lauren Peirce (CC '14) who finished 3rd individually in slalom as well as a consistently strong performance from Polly Evans (SEAS M. Sc. '14) all semester. The Men's Alpine team battled through tough competition but ended outside the top 5. Better luck next time, boys.
Dying to know more about these snowy sportspeople? Well, the ski team competes in three disciplines over the season - Alpine Skiing, both Slalom and Giant Slalom, as well as Snowboard - and are pretty good at what they do. We trust you know what those divisions are from your date nights with Sochi.
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In conference, the men's team finished in 4th overall and the women pulled out 2nd this year. Polly Evans came in 2nd individually for the 3rd year in a row. (Remember how we said she was consistent? Yeah. We weren't kidding.) Finally, Victoria Wills, CC '14 and co-captain of the team, finished 3rd overall for snowboarding, and also plans to compete individually at Nationals.
Polly Evans at final conference races [Credit: Taylor Franks, USCSA]
Wills says in a statement to The Lion: "Vidal Meric, my co-captain, and I are so proud of what our athletes have been able to do this year." Despite a large number of graduating seniors on the team, the captains remain "confident that [they'll] have a great showing for upcoming years."
Pending budgetary and logistical details, Columbia will be sending a full female ski team to Nationals at Lake Placid, NY from March 9th to the 15th. Good luck girls!
America is built on the tenet of freedom. The colonies protested British taxation without representation and ended up founding their own nation - you remember that story, right? (Funny ending: we now have something like ten times the percent of taxes the British imposed hundreds of years ago...but at least we have representation!) Point being, I get it - choice is freedom. Freedom is America. Everybody's a bloody patriot.
Okay, so while I appreciate the unalienable rights America offers, can we like, tone it down a notch? And I'm not talking about the time when you stare for half an hour at a menu that's five pages long (although that happens too). I'm saying options are nice in theory - but they make life a whole lot harder in practice.
Think about how much your life sucks right now and how much of that is due to uncertainty. Freshmen have just gotten to college and been introduced to a whole new world of independence - can they really be trusted with feeding themselves? (The answer is, unequivocally, no.) Sophomores agonize over declaring majors, imagining that a single piece of paper has the power to affect their entire life direction. Junior year stress dovetails nicely with seniors - jobs. Everyone's freaking out about internships and jobs and housing and what-have-you - because there are so many things you could do out there, but is that what you were really meant to do? What's your calling? Where's your passion? Where's the money?!!
There was a time when you just did whatever your parents did, and then died at the age of 50. Fine, maybe that's not really the ideal example. But I'm just saying - I'd like a little guidance, guys. I wouldn't mind someone else saying, "Do this, have that, and you'll be set." Because right now, the future's a little wishy-washy for my tastes.
Maybe what I'm saying sounds terrible. And it's true, once you get a taste for independence you never want to go back. It's like when you go home for the first time freshman year and your parents are asking if you'll go to bed at midnight - and you roll your eyes. Because you've already decided for yourself that you're going to stay up all hours of the night. Pre-college, you wouldn't have cared (much). And I think if our world was a little more structured from the get-go, none of us would really notice, but maybe we wouldn't be as freaked out.
Maybe.
[Credit: simplyjaymary.wordpress.com]
Ah, yes, the swim test. Just last week, our old editor-in-chief Jake Davidson felt feelings as he finished the third length of our pool. A tradition that is known for its myths about as much as its annoyance, the swim test has a variety of stories attached to it. About three years ago to date, Spec published some theories referring to why the swim test was created. But as far as I'm concerned the narrative I'm going with was the one I was told by my tour guide during my tour here.
In the time leading to the Revolutionary war, a Columbia president realized that in the event of a British attack, it was important for Columbia students to escape Manhattan very quickly. The clearest way to do this would be to swim across the Hudson. Naturally, SEAS kids (at the time of my tour, I didn't know SEAS didn't exist during the Revolution) didn't need such a requirement, as they could build a boat or a catapult to get them to safety.
As Columbia College seniors rush to complete their swim test, the Lion began thinking of some other requirements the Columbia Administration seemed to forget about.
1) Physical Fitness Test (PHED C1001)
Let's be honest, Columbia wasn't rated the hottest ivy league. In fact, Business Insider rated Columbia the least hot ivy league in 2013. Ignoring that this would help us all in the event of a British attack, I think it would go a long way in solving that attractiveness ranking issue... I can safely say that the US Military Academy at West Point has such a Physical fitness test, and if you've seen anyone at West Point, they pretty much break the attractive scale on Business Insider. Also, we could fight the Brits if they attack... again.
2) Bayonet Training And Refurbishment (PHED W1004)
In the time of the revolution, if you couldn't use your bayonet, you were done for. The colonies did not have the enough ammunition and arms to combat the British, and were told to pick up the ammunition and arm of their fallen soldiers to fight. Learning how to fire and fix a bayonet would have been an invaluable skill. SEAS students, in their ingenuity, could simply develop their own combination of a gun and a knife that they could control; learning how to use a bayonet would be repetitive and unnecessary.
3) Hunting and Gathering (PHED W1006)
Let's not ignore how important food was to life back in the revolutionary days. The colonials were low on food, and in the event of a British attack today, Wilma's Grill, JJ's place, not even the Ferris staircase can help us then! Without the help of the hunter/gatherers, we wouldn't have food and would die. SEAS is not exempt from such a requirement; even SEAS kids need nourishment to sustain their technical education splendor.
4) Horseback Training (PHED W1009)
To all you haters out there who don't think equestrian is a sport, we might not have won the revolution without it. Didn't think of it that way, did you. Let's say the British attack again. They're all on horses, so what would you do - outrun a horse? Impossible! You need to be able to outride a horse! Engineers obviously don't need this requirement. I mean, in their utilitarian glory, and concrete knowledge of simple machines like the wedge and wheel/axle, SEAS kids could probably build a car in equal time.
5) Sorcery and Magic (ANTH V3949)
No words necessary. (On a side note, this is really a class at Columbia)
Why is it sunny and cold? Now you're just mocking us, spring.
Take Back The Night is tonight at 7:45 pm - particularly pertinent given all the talk about sexual assault on campus recently.
Unfortunately, you'll have to decide between TBTN and 10 Things I Hate About You, because Ferris Reel Film Society is showing the movie on Low Steps at 8 pm. Bundle up!
Finally, see student leaders win awards and - more importantly - capitalize on a free dessert reception. The King's Crown Leadership Awards ceremony will happen tonight at 6:30 pm in Roone.
Why is the headline for this story "Should You Be Worried About Your E-Cigarette Exploding?"? Let me answer that question for you: YES.
Isn't the point of a CAPTCHA to prove that you're a human, not a robot? Well Google's ruining it for all of us - they built an algorithm to solve 99.8% of CAPTCHAs. That's more than I can.
Finally, the Wall Street Journal is crowing about unemployment being "near a seven-year low". Seriously guys, tell that to our job search.
One day on College Walk, as I admired Low Library, it occurred to me; what will students see when they stand on College Walk some two hundred years from now? Will they see Butler, and wonder what it looked like inside before it was converted to a computer mainframe? Will they wave at their friends on the steps, or stop and chat for a few minutes with a classmate from their English seminar about the latest upgrade to the English Wiki? Will they sit on the lawn on a warm day in April, pouring over glowing tablets, stopping every so often to look up at the impressive facade of Low Library? Or maybe, they just might see those infamous phallic shaped fountains, wondering as we do, what our forefathers were thinking.
The neoclassical buildings that define our campus are so imposing they appear to almost have grown out of the ground, an offshoot of the bedrock of Manhattan. Yet, their existence is much more tenuous than you might imagine. After a mere hundred and ten years or so since many of the buildings were built, almost no original interiors remain intact, and many have be subject to unsympathetic renovations, or disrepair.
Columbia’s original Morningside campus was designed by the preeminent architectural firm of McKim, Mead and White, who designed many New York landmarks including the original Penn Station and the main branch of the New York Public Library. Envisioned as a university campus with small, intimate courtyards, the new Morningside campus was meant to be a welcoming place to study, well integrated in the urban fabric of New York. The remaining McKim, Mead and White buildings on campus include Philosophy, John Jay, Low Library and Avery. Even though much of the original landscaping has been altered, or never implemented, one can still glimpse what the vision of courtyards coupled with striking buildings would have looked like by going to the courtyard between Avery and Fayerweather.
Some of our buildings are protected to varying degrees by virtue of being named historically significant sites. The facades of Casa Italiana, Philosophy Hall, Pupin Library and the interior of Low Library are on the National Register of Historic Places, which means they receive tax incentives from the federal government to preserve these buildings deemed of historical significance. These same buildings, as well as St Paul’s, are unalterable due to being on the New York City Designated Landmarks registry. Unfortunately, others, including Avery Hall and Kent Hall, have no restrictions and thus may not stand the test of time.
However, historic status only goes so far. Even for buildings with historic status, there are no provisions for requiring Columbia to keep them well maintained. As Professor Andrew Dolkart, Director of the Historic Preservation Program and the James Marston Fitch Associate Professor of Historic Preservation, put it: “Columbia doesn’t maintain it campus as it should” given that we have some of the “greatest architectural monuments in the United States [on our campus].”
Columbia also has no impetus to keep our campus’ landscaping original. Professor Dolkart points to the “characteristic deep red bricks” of Columbia’s walkways — currently cracked, loose and dangerous. Instead of disinvesting from its campus to the extent that students are in danger of tripping from the beautiful bricks on the walkways, Professor Dolkart thinks that the walkways are a prime opportunity our Administration is overlooking. The sheer scale of the operation would allow a brick factory to custom make the bricks to the historic specifications Columbia needs. This would allow for a more beautiful, and historically accurate campus Columbia deserves.
When Columbia decides to beautify their campus, they do things well. Professor Dolkart points to the lamps outside many of our buildings. Not so many years ago, these lamps were rusted, had parts missing, and were truly an eyesore. Just recently, Columbia decided to have all of them fixed. Parts were recast and new glass was put into many of them. Now, they are restored in all their glory. Unfortunately, these lamps are the exception to the rule of disinvestment in our historic campus.
The reality is Columbia needs to start spending more money in order to preserve the historic character of our campus for generations of students to come. According to the Fiscal Year 2013 Report published by Columbia Facilities, of the 284 million dollars Columbia spent on construction, a mere nine million went to “historic preservation projects on campus and in the community.” Given that a majority of our buildings on campus are historic, why the lack of spending on preserving, maintaining and protecting our characteristic neoclassical buildings? According to Professor Dolkart, the more decrepit the original buildings become, the harder it will be to maintain them, let alone renovate them to their original splendor.
What will be the backdrop of the Columbia Class of 2214 graduation? Will they too see the splendor of the Beaux Arts vision that is our Morningside campus? Or will the years and years of lack of spending mean an irrevocably altered campus, missing its history? It is time for Columbia to choose to start planning for the future; our buildings and their history deserve to be preserved for generations to come.
[Image via wikipedia.org]