Earlier today, Deantini sent out an email calling our attention to a new Student Resources page off the Columbia College website. This was apparently in response to actions taken by CCSC and SWP "in the first step in building a new College website that is more targeted to helping you find what you need to know as a Columbia College student." 

We think it's a great idea - really, we do. And sure, there's nothing wrong with the page - it's got everything from Academics, Dining, Wellness, Jobs, and Student Government sections. We'd simply like to take a moment to question the low-effort aesthetics of the page. Observe: 

I mean, who coded this - a first year? An intern? (Do you have internships available? And how can I apply? And can you possibly ignore this post when I do?) 

Furthermore, when you click on each box, more nested boxes pop out with handy dandy descriptions when you hover - like so: 

Which is a great idea, in theory - but who made those crazy border lines? And could they maybe be straight? Our OCD meters are going off. 

It's okay though, Deantini - we know you tried. It may not be very pretty, but it was a great first effort! And hey - it's nowhere near as bad as these. 

Full email after the jump! 

Dear Students,

I am writing to let you know about a new student resources page on the Columbia College website that we hope will help you find everything you need – from academics to wellness, from advising to dining, and from getting involved on campus to exploring the City of New York. You can find the page at college.columbia.edu/studentlife/resources . 

This page, which we created with valuable help and input from members of the  Columbia College Student Council  and the  Student Wellness Project , is the first step in building a new College website that is more targeted to helping you find what you need to know as a Columbia College student. 

We want your feedback so that we can make the site as comprehensive and user-friendly as possible. As always, if something is missing, if a link is broken, or if you have other feedback or suggestions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at  columbiacollege@columbia.edu .

Roar, Lion(s), Roar, 
Deantini

It's the end of Day 2 of Online Selection, and the entire senior class, plus about 1/3 of the junior class, has picked into housing. Here's the aftermath.

• Nussbaum's cutoff was pushed up significantly from last year to 20/146, though the second-to-last single was taken much earlier in the mixed-point group pool.
• River has 24 singles remaining. Assuming people pick into Broadway and River at roughly a 50/50 rate (in reality, some will pick good rooms in Schapiro and Wien instead), the cutoff will be around 20/1248.
• Broadway has 36 singles remaining. Using the same logic as above, the cutoff will be around 20/1297, not too soon afterwards.
• Someone who picked in the In-Person Selection pool somehow backed out, leaving half of Broadway 640, a 163 sf exterior double, open for some sophomore.

As for the remaining juniors and sophomores:

• With 105 singles remaining, the worst-case scenario cutoff for Schapiro (taking into account Broadway and River) is 20/1589. The actual cutoff will be lower than this, because some people like living next to Hamdel and having views of Morningside Park.
• The worst-case scenario cutoff for Wien is 20/2798. The actual cutoff will be lower than this, because some people might go for the kitchens and lounges in McBain, or might just like Harmony more.
• The worst-case scenario cutoff for singles (including Furnald) is 10/844.
• The waitlist may begin as early as 10/1748, but likely later, for all the reasons stated above, as well as students moving off campus.

We will do our next (and last!) Online Selection post next Friday night.

Meet Mikey Zhong, a glorious sunrise of a human being. Possibly best known for his Housing prowess - at least, until you finish reading this post. However, you may be thinking, "Why are we meeting Mikey? Why today?" We understand your confusion. Let's clear some things up. 

You see, today is Mikey's birthday. And when the staff of The Lion sat down together to consider this momentous occasion (which possibly coincided with the meeting about our content schedule for the week), we decided to use our powers for good and write a Mikey Zhong tribute post. 

What follows are a collection of thoughts from The Lion's staff about Mikey Zhong. We hope you enjoy. 

Anonymous

Mikey Zhong

Stephen Snowder

Mikey Zhong is one of the nicest guys on the planet. My tenure as Spectrum editor would have been completely unmanageable without the advice and support he provided at the beginning, as well as the mountain of work he did contributing to the Shaft. No matter how busy he was that year, Mikey always had time to talk to me when I had a question about how Spectrum worked, or to write a post when I was short-handed, or to fill a liveblogging shift even if it meant missing a class. Today, Mikey works at the New York Times, but I know that whenever I want to talk to him, all I have to do is send a text and he'll drop whatever he's doing to reply. It's rare to find a friend, or a person, with Mikey's combination of competence and kindness. He sucks at Catan though. Happy birthday Mikey! Thanks for being awesome!

Marilyn He

Morning, everyone. The cherry blossoms outside Wien make it feel like spring, and yet, it's so, so cold. Grab a cup of hot cocoa and check out some news.

Campus News

Yesterday was Take Back the Night, and it provided another forum for survivors and allies to challenge the university's sexual assault policies.

Today is the India Business Conference, featuring the CEO of Mastercard, Joseph Stiglitz, and the Chairman of the Americas for McKinsey.

Tomorrow is the premiere of HERE: A Multimedia Dance Journey, at 3 PM and 7 PM in the Glicker-Milstein Theatre.

A ton of awards were given out over the past week, in Greek life, Athletics, and general leadership. Check back later today for our list of the winners.

Spec News

Opinion published a great anonymous op-ed about sexual assault.

Yesterday, A&E published an article about The Heights having a private opening today, but lo and behold, there was a surprise opening yesterday. That's some great marketing strategy there — hype up a private event, then make a public event right before it.

We love awards (just scroll up), so congratulations to Managing Editor Steven Lau for winning the Big Roundtable social media contest for promoting the piece "The Man Who Hid in an Airplane Bathroom." Goes to show that Klout leads to actual clout.

Thank you for all of your hard work this week, and I hope it continues as we go into the final two weeks of production!

Video

A debate story.

Some of the 2013 honorees | Photo credit / Lionlink

The year may be winding down, but the awards season for Columbia students is just gearing up. This past week, three sets of awards were given out — to student leaders, King's Crown Leadership Awards; to student-athletes, All-Ivy League Honors; and to Greek life chapters, Inter-Greek Council Awards.

King's Crown Leadership Awards

There was a bit of a tempest in a teapot earlier this year about asking for nominations to these awards, but they all seem to have been awarded meritocratically. Unlike last year's announcement, which just listed the winners, this year, Student Affairs has provided the various student groups that each honoree is a part of. Also unlike last year, the ceremony was held in Roone instead of Low. (There seems to be an effort to bring make the event more down-to-earth. In 2012, the ceremony was invite-only and had a full sit-down dinner a la Dean's Scholarship Reception. This year, the event was open to everyone, and the winners didn't even get a full dinner — just "dessert.")

Of the ceremony, Lion senior and culture editor Marilyn He said that it was "cool" and "a good time." She was named a senior marshal.

The ceremony honorees were all student leaders, but some among them stood out as student leaders among student leaders. That is, 11 awards went to members of student councils (13 if you count senior marshals, 14 if you count Class Day awards) and 8 honorees were in senior societies. Spec's former editor-in-chief, as well as the presidents of ABC and SJB were also honored.

We will never stop talking about student leaders, in case you were wondering.

View the full list of honorees here.

Inter-Greek Council Awards

Senior editor Daniel Stone hiding from the cameras as he devours a slice of pizza at the event.

Despite our coverage of the few Greek life controversies this year, we were graciously invited to the IGC's awards ceremony in Roone Auditorium last Thursday, where we ate V&T pizza and promptly left. While we were there, though, we listened to Director of Greek Life Brad Badgley give a touching speech about his experiences in the military, and witnessed awards being given to exemplary Greek life chapters.

Residential Programs Dean Cristen Kromm was also in attendance.

In case you were wondering who took home the gold, Best All-Around Chapter was awarded to Alpha Chi Omega, and Samantha Goldfarb, a member of the sorority and former Panhellenic President, was named Greek Leader of the Year. Kappa Delta Rho won "Most Improved," and also won a bonus award from us for "Best Post-Bacchanal Party.

View the full list of winners here and here.

Academic All-Ivy League Honors

President Bollinger (left) with Athletics Director M. Dianne Murphy (right) | Photo credit / college.columbia.edu

Do athletes deserve respect? We think so, and the Ivy League (sports conference) thinks so too. Yesterday, ten student-athletes in winter sports received Academic All-Ivy Honors. The awards are given to starters or key reserves with GPAs above 3.0 (although we imagine there are other criteria, considering the average athletics GPA is notably higher than that).

Three teams stood out this winter, with four winners from track and field, three from fencing (including Class of 2016 rep Sarah Yee), and two from swimming and diving (the tenth was a wrestler). Senior society representation was at a healthy 10%.

View the full list of awardees here.

Congratulations to the honorees in all three of these fields - our snark can't dim the glow of your accomplishments.

These kids loved John Jay even before the renovation.

If there's one thing Columbia students never used to think when they walked in John Jay, it's "wow, this is some of the best food in the country." But thanks to recent renovations, perhaps the old stereotype of inedible Dining Hall cuisine is becoming less and less accurate.

At least, that's what Men's Health seems to think. The fitness publication recently placed Columbia on its list of the 9 best college food courts. This isn't the first time Columbia Dining Services has gotten some love. The Daily Meal ranked CU #18 on its list of the 60 best colleges for food. Since then, we've moved up a good 9 spots. Here's why Men's Health thinks we're top tier (emphasis ours):

Forced to compete with the culinary superabundance that is New York City, Columbia University dining steps up its game with entrees like JJ's Grilled Portobello Sandwich, buffalo chicken, and Thai chicken lettuce wraps. The university also embraces the "stealth health" movement, eliminating trans-fats in cooking and using local, fresh produce. 

Beyond eating well, the dining services encourage students to do good, donating over 100 pounds of food each week to charities in the community. For the health-conscious, the dining services also offer an online meal-plan calorie calculator, letting students choose their entrees and sides and automatically tallying their calories, protein, fiber, sodium, and carbs.

If this sounds a little too complimentary, it might be worth a trip back to JJ one of these days. The dining hall is completely unrecognizable since after the renovations in the summer of 2012. It's not great, but hey, at least it's got one of those cool touch screen soda machines. That might not be what won Men's Health over though...

Good afternoon. It's a lazy Saturday and we're nearing the end of the semester, so we hope you're getting up as late as we are. Here's the news for today:

Columbia News

Drop by WBAR's WBAR-B-Q today on Lehman Lawn until 8pm for a whole bunch of excelent music acts. Check out their Facebook event here.

Our football team might be the worst in history, but our tennis team is killing it.

Abby Mitchell writes about how Columbia lacks disability access.

Actual News

The 9/11 Tribunals have run into another scandal.

The NHL playoffs continue tonight on NBC and NBC Sports Network.

Video

Here's what Dvořák's Symphony No. 9 Allegro con fuoco would look like if given the K-Pop treatment

UPDATE, 1:44 pm: The Lion confirms that New York City's first family did visit today.

Bwog reports that Mayor Bill De Blasio's son, Dante de Blasio, has been spotted on campus apparently as part of a college tour. Instagram account leadergrev snapped a blurry, distant photo of people he thinks are the first family of NYC. Unfortunately, the Instagram user's face takes up 70% of the photo, so we've cropped it out to give you a better view:

Patrons of West Side Market may have noticed a change in the dairy aisle in the past few months. The milk has changed. Good old Farmland Dairies has been supplanted with Midland Farms.

I can't taste the difference myself, even though I was raised at the (bottle) nip of a Farmland cow, but I sure have smelled the difference. Farmland's wax-coated-cardboard half gallon milk cartons with a screw top that worked oh so well in a mini-fridge have given way to Midland's cheap snap-top thin-plastic jugs. The snap top unsnapped and the milk gushed out. I was away that weekend…

Why the sudden change? It turns out the Farmland Dairies, despite being involved in a bluechip food industry, needed to recover "operating deficiencies" and closed the New Jersey dairy plant that supplies West Side. Apparently, says Bruce Krupke, EVP of the Northeast Dairy Foods “Consumers are drinking many other types of beverages and eating more yogurt."

In more interesting news, it turns out that Farmland is owned by the Mexican company Grupo Lala. Globalism.

Speaker Asma Chandani during her talk on "Investing in India: Shifting Tides and a New Dawn"

The India Business Conference has taken place for the past ten years on campus. It is co-sponsored by the Columbia Business School and co-planned by an organizing committee that has to apply through a competitive process to co-plan it. (Two committee members were undergraduates -- Preity Nita Ponnaganti, CC'14 and Akshay Shah, SEAS'14.)

Their hard work paid off this week. Low Rotunda was packed with attendees representing all schools and affiliations who wanted to learn about the place of this rising world power in the realm of international business. I personally haven't seen that many Indian people in one place in a long time.

Organizer Akshay Shah noted that one of the objectives of the conference was to showcase a breadth of knowledge. "We were able to get a policy perspective (Dr, Montek Singh Ahluwalia, Chairman of the Planning Commission of India), academic perspective (Prof. Joseph Stiglitz), strategic perspective (Vik Malhotra, Chairman of McKinsey & Co.), social perspective (Michael Schlein, Chairman of the NYC Economic Development Corporation) and a commercial perspective on how we can reimage India," he says.

One of the panels that guests were looking most forward to had to do with the food industry, entitled "From Chicken Tikka Masala to Michelin Stars." To go along with these toothsome conversations, conference-goers were treated to Paneer Tikka, Saag, Murgh Makhni, Bhatti da Murghi, Dal Makhni and several other dishes with names transliterated from Hindi to English. 

One of the final speakers, Asma Chandani, spoke about "Investing in India: Shifting Tides and a New Dawn." Her speech covered Indian politics (clips of speeches by Narendra Modi, presumed next prime minister of India, were shown), as well as issues of inflation in India today (apparently it's affecting the onion supply).

Chandani delved into a discussion of social issues in India as they pertain to women -- more salient than ever today. She even brought case studies with her, in true Business School form! 

All in all, the conference appears to have been a resounding success. A networking session followed the full day of speakers and panels. But the panel provided more than enviable networking opportunities for attendees -- it allowed accomplished speakers to share great insight with the audience, ranging from responsible business practices to general life advice.

Schedule for the conference

Speaker Ajay Banga, CEO of MasterCard, noted that the lack of a financial support system for everyone in Asia was unsustainable and would lead to continued social stress. "If you only let the rich get richer, there's only so many TVs they'll buy," Banga noted, adding that sustainable growth was necessary and calling on China to create deeper domestic consumption pools.

There were lighthearted moments during the panel also. Shah says one such moment occurred when one of his co-planners pronounced the name of one of the conference's partner firms, ZoomDojo, as "ZoomDodo."

After weeks of waiting on bated breath, OurBlue is back, and it's better than ever. Behold, in all its high definition glory.

Set to Lupe Fiasco's "The Show Goes On," the video shows that the members of the OurBlue Committee (which is entirely separate from CCSC/ESC/GSSC — something we've learned in the past few weeks) are, in fact, Columbia students, and not some amorphous Blue Chip-esque film crew that got a few seconds of facetime with our friends in the Satow Room. Taking a page from Days on Campus, the maker of the video, Chris Allison (CCSC Class of '17 VP), showcases Columbia on its most spirited day, Bacchanal, attempting to stir up all those warm feelings you had a week ago, if you can remember them through the hangover.

One positive compared to the previous video was the variety of students that were showcased. Gone are the interviews with student leaders and friends of student leaders. Instead, we're treated with some nice slo-mo shots of students at Holi (which explains all the cameras covered in clear tarps that were there). And, like the previous video, it's aesthetically pleasing and visually well-made. Some of the audio issues were cleared up by playing Lupe Fiasco, which made one staffer jokingly inquire whether the Bacchanal budget included royalties to Lupe for using his music.

At the end of the day, we're glad to have some record that fun does indeed happen at Columbia University, but we have to wonder where OurBlue is going to go from here. As the most spirited day of the year, Bacchanal has a certain essence to it that can't be rekindled on comparable days, such as Homecoming or Tree Lighting. It's pretty unrepresentative of the kinship that Columbia students feel with each other on an average day, whether it's in Butler, their floor lounge in John Jay, or at a competition with their student group.

So what does this day-to-day school spirit entail, and how can we foster it? We don't know, but we hope that #OurBlue can show us.

That's right, you know who you are.

If you did not go to CHURCH (or your respective place of worship — does NOT include Taco Bell) on this most HOLY of HOLY days, and are instead partaking in DEGENERATE practices, know that the LORD condemns you to a fiery death.

With that being said, here's the news.

Columbia News

Bill de Blasio and Dante de Blasio (CC '19) were given a VIP tour of Columbia yesterday.

A man was charged with a hate crime for an attack on a Sikh SIPA professor.

OurBlue got bluer.

4/20 News

The Lion Staff celebrates 420 (or doesn't). Realtalk: what the hell happened in the past year?

Bacchanal and CCSC '16 present a 4/20 screening of Pineapple Express. Sadly, the annual ritual has been displaced from Low Steps because of Commencement bleachers, and will be in front of EC instead.

CCSC '15 has reserved every ramp table from 3 to 6 today to give baked goods to your stoned asses.

It's also Hitler's birthday. The more you know.

A Cautionary Tale

What happens when you take 4/20 TOO FAR.

Today's that holiday where people all over the world are invited to eat copious amounts of junk food and contemplate the existence of a higher being, possibly with or while envisioning a giant rabbit. That's right, everyone, it's 4/20—blaze it. For Jesus, because I've just been informed that it is actually also Easter. For you ascetic Catholics who gave up (insert unhealthy food category here) for Lent, you're in luck; you've got the actual Best Day of the Year to return to your regular chip-consuming, chocolate-loving ways.

Of course, I'm sure there are plenty of people who still experience ecological Christian guilt who find themselves hesitant to celebrate the holiest of holy days with the broiest of bro days. If you're among that crowd, just think about it: commercial Easter was designed entirely around the possibility of Easter and 4/20 falling on the same day so that everyone could celebrate both. That way, like Jesus, you too can rise. That's why they call it getting high, right? Right???

Peeps may be an Easter staple, but if you're really trying to believe that whoever came up with making tiny chick- or bunny-shaped marshmallows and then coating them in sugar wasn't high, you should probably take a long, hard look at your life. (And reconsider all those times when your floormate would say, 'oh, that smell? Yeah, sorry, I got sprayed by a skunk while I was in Central Park. Yeah, I go to Central Park a lot. You're right, I really should learn how to avoid that skunk. Thanks, man.') 

Added perk - if you're home for the holidaze, you can celebrate both: endlessly entertain yourself by sticking some Peeps into the microwave and watching them expand. Your parents will be none the wiser.

Plus, Easter is just an invitation to spend an entire day eating crap and coming up with all kinds of fun, new combinations to eat said crap in. Make a chocolate-egg-and-jellybean sandwich, I don't care. We won't judge. It's like all of a sudden every semi-unusual but also totally delicious type of candy has suddenly found its way into your home. Go forth and prosper, my friend. However, beware the chocolate bunny - delicious, yes, but if you're too deep into your 4/20 celebrations, you may find yourself absolutely horrified when you bite off the ears and realize that that little dude has a face. You just dis-eared an actual bunny, stressful for children and childlike weed-riddled brains alike. You should probably put off devouring that guy until at least, like, 11 p.m.

But the award goes to the Easter Bunny for being the most absurd, definitely-conceived-while-really-high idea of any holiday, ever. Whoever came up with the idea that - stay with me for a second, especially you non-Americans - a giant rabbit would go house-to-house leaving baskets of candy full of its chocolatey brethren for consumption by children and then hide a bunch of colored eggs around your house, then successfully marketed it to an entire country, is a fucking stoner genius. Props to you, Easter Bunny Dude. Your version of The Circle must've been insane. (Coloring eggs and then hiding them? Seriously?)

Nevertheless, try to pace yourself on the religion-4/20 blurring a little, lest someone finds you crying under the table about having a religious conversion now that you've been visited by the Virgin Mary. And yes, I really have witnessed this before.

Photo credit / itinescu.files.wordpress.com

You are probably hungry right now and are wondering what to eat today. Let us educate you about falafel.

That green color is no coincidence. | Photo credit / theshiksa.com

PRO:

Do we really need an explanation as to why Halal, and particularly falafel, is great? Look. At Columbia, the average price of your Dining Hall meal is $13. For $3, you can get a excellently portioned, perfectly delicious slice of heaven (and by slice of heaven, we really mean falafel served over a toasty pita). Plus, there’s like lettuce and stuff in there, and those kinds of things are vegetables, so they must be healthy for you, right? It’s economical, it’s healthy (basically a portable chickpea salad, if you think about it, which has the word salad in it, which means it’s healthy), and it’s damn delicious. Also, if you are vegetarian, no worries! Falafel is a great choice for vegetarians and meat lovers alike.

What is a gyro from Hooda’s Halal cart, but a pocket of flavor? What is falafel over rice, but a four-dollar Styrofoam container of wonder? These are the questions of our time. Now we can’t forget that when you’re up late (past JJ’s hours), falafel is the answer. At Halal carts, the answer is always yes. Also, proximity! There is a Halal cart at 115th and Broadway, and there are usually two at 116th and Amsterdam!

Now we’re not saying that Halal carts are the best place to get fine falafel cuisine. I’m personally a big fan of Amir’s; their fries are outright, some of the best I’ve ever had. The falafel at Amir’s and at Maoz is definitely some of the best in the Morningside Heights area. And outside Morningside Heights, places like Taim offer some of the most incredible falafel in the world. Halal carts are a first step into the culinary arena of Mediterranean food, and New York has some incredible options if you embark on that wondrous adventure of cuisine. So grab your wallet, walk down to 116 and Amsterdam, and buy some damn falafel. You’ll be glad you did.

CON:

People argue that falafel only comes into its prime with a heaping of white sauce and hot sauce. The same can be said of Ferris pasta. It's essentially a bunch of chick peas mashed up in a ball, fried on a grill. A Wideside salad only runs you a bit more, and it's much, much more healthy and tasty.

You can make a case for proximity, but there are plenty of late night food options that don't involve you stuffing your face with what is essentially the vegetarian's answer to a meatball. On the Broadway side, you have Morton Williams and Wideside entrees, while on the Amsterdam side, you have Hamdel and...more Hamdel. Don't sacrifice quality for distance — and besides, when it's pouring hail, like it was a few days ago, you don't want to be waiting in line for falafel.

But probably the best case against falafel is that, like many other MoHi answers to actual ethnic dishes, is that it's a bastardization of Mediterranean cuisine. Take a trip to Columbus Circle or the Lower East Side, and you will find plenty of restaurants with authentic flavor that Hooda's falafel just can't match.

This isn't just our bias against food that comes from a truck — we love Halal, we love Korilla, and we love Mister Softee. Falafel just isn't worth the (low) price. For another two dollars, you can get a combination of chicken and lamb (who passes up lamb?) on rice, which is tasteful and great drunk food. But falafel is an abomination against Mediterranean food, and moreover, your digestive track.

The Lion has heard rumors that the Spectator has plans to cut its print production schedule, and that a related meeting set for earlier tonight was canceled.

These rumors being unverified, the Lion got in touch with EIC Abby Abrams. She did not deny them.

"We are always talking about that kind of stuff, every year since the financial crisis," she told the Lion over the phone. "This year, we have also had conversations like that."

[Related: In 1902, Spec board announces daily paper.]

Referring to ongoing conversations about "what our digital future is," she added that "any news organization that is not talking about its digital future is really going to fail."

Asked about this evening's canceled meeting, she said, "We did schedule an all staff meeting for Sunday, and that has been canceled. That was going to be about things that Spectator is thinking about in terms of our digital future."

[Related: Spec's digital future]

The Lion has gotten word that select speccies will hear more on Wednesday.

It's Monday, and we are really getting close to the end of the year. Enjoy your final papers, midterms, and other assignments, and try to stay sane. Since you're a busy person study person, we've collected all your weekend news in one helpful place:

Campus News

Rumor has it that the Columbia Daily Spectator may soon cease to be being quite so daily. Will Spec Sucks declare victory?

A man has been charged with a hate crime in last year's attack on a Sikh professor at Columbia.

The Spectator E-Board correctly points out that the Columbia Energy Challenge was total bullshit.

Actual News

The US is funding local internet alternatives around the world, called mesh networks, to foil digital spying.

Knicks head coach Mike Woodson has been fired.

Video of the Day

Columbia Engineering students are smart.

Everyone knows the only way to get people to care about the environment is to bribe them with iPads.

About one week ago, the university announced the winners of its annual Energy Challenge, in which various dorms are asked to reduce their energy output in exchange for fabulous prizes*. The Lion responded to this challenge with mockery because we assumed it was a classic Columbia empty gesture whose inevitably embarrassing results would still be hailed as a success by the administration.

Shockingly, we were right. The results of the challenge were released in a triumphant email from Kristina M. Hernandez, Columbia’s Director of Marketing and Communications (in case you had any doubt this competition was just a PR stunt), which praised the university for doing its part “to make a difference in the way our buildings consume energy.”

In fact, as the Spectator pointed out in today’s editorial, the competition actually represents a failure by Columbia to conserve any significant amount of energy, even when rewards are involved. Energy consumption in five residents halls went up during the competition period, and total energy savings was a paltry 4.5 kWh per person.

According to Spectator, you can save that much power by turning off two bright lightbulbs for a 24 hours. Equally pathetic was the school's participation rate. Only 675 students (8% of the undergraduate population) cared enough about the energy challenge to sign up. Pats on the back all around.

But whatever, right? Of course students don’t care about saving energy. They’re probably still tuckered out from approving that fossil fuel divestment ballot initiative. The real issue here is how comically unfair this competition was for the few students who decided to play along.

Here’s why: River Hall, the winning dorm with a 17.1% reduction in energy use, has a population of 129 students. East Campus, which somehow managed to accumulate a 7.6% reduction in energy use, houses 723. If you are an East Campus resident considering entering this competition, you know from the start that coordinating your dorm’s drop in energy usage will be roughly six times as difficult as it would be for someone who lives in River. At that point, why even try?

Oh, because polar bears or something? Come on!

So, unsurprisingly, the smaller dorm won. But what actually is surprising is how close the race was. Hartley, which houses 80% more students than River, was virtually tied for the lead. Considering the difficulty of coordinating that many more people, it seems like Hartley residents worked much harder to reduce their energy consumption than those poseurs near the park. Where's their parade, Ms. Hernandez??

Meanwhile, Hogan, the smallest residence hall on campus, actually managed to increase its energy consumption. Are you serious, Hogan? All of you could fit in a single room. If just one floor turned off the lights for a day, they could cut the building’s energy consumption by almost 20%!

So in conclusion, the game was rigged, Marilyn He, a known Hogan resident, hates the environment, and iPad winner Emma Yee should give me her prize for exposing the injustice of it all.

* Prizes may not actually be fabulous. This year it was a catered party for the dorm (let’s hope it’s not dining hall food), and the chance for one lucky resident to recieve an iPad (students in River, the winning dorm, each had a sub-1% chance of getting their hands on the grand prize).

Columbia students have recently had the pleasure to see their classmates eat the most provocative fruits of the Columbia dining halls - the banana. Thanks to the twitter, @ColumbiaBananas, the Lion has had the privilege of understanding this misunderstood fruit.

Columbia kids bite these in even sexually-sounding libraries.

Gettin' it in the But(ler) #thursdayturnup#columbiabanaspic.twitter.com/BZElxgQtbV

— Columbia Bananas (@ColumbiaBananas) March 28, 2014

The Lion is doing much better now, thanks to this snapchat. How about you?

The ultimate sext #showmethemoney#cufeildhockey#columbiabananaspic.twitter.com/IDv9EA2BN0

— Columbia Bananas (@ColumbiaBananas) April 3, 2014

Columbia only accepts the most ferocious of biters.

He likes it rough #takeabite#columbiabananaspic.twitter.com/XNzio565TA

— Columbia Bananas (@ColumbiaBananas) April 3, 2014

This is plainly, fucking incredible.

Crafted this #columbiabananaspic.twitter.com/YHScDm3JTx

— Columbia Bananas (@ColumbiaBananas) March 30, 2014

Our own editor emeritus, Jake Davidson, in a picture not yet sent to @ColumbiaBananas, loves his bananas. Look at that smile.

CC's 2014 valedictorian is Margarete Diaz Cuadros, and its salutatorian is Samuel Walker.

Cuadros is a biochem major concentrating in evolutionary biology of the human species. Walker is a comparative literature and society major concentrating in philosophy. Both are members of Phi Beta Kappa, the academic honor society corresponding to the top 10% of senior GPAs.

Press release pasted after the jump.

Release:

Those excited about seeing some sexy fraternity men take off their salmon shorts and polos will be out of luck this year.

According to Jill Klein, Director of Public Relations for the Inter-Greek Council, the annual male beauty pageant, Mr. Fraternity, has been cancelled. Instead, the resources generally used for Mr. Fraternity will be allocated to an as-yet-to-be-announced fall philanthropy event.

The Theta philanthropy team, the group responsible for putting on Mr. Fraternity, believe the new event will greatly benefit from the additional assets. "They plan on totally revamping and increasing the size of their fall event," said Klein in an email to The Lion. "They decided to pour all of their resources into that event so it can be as great as possible."

And it better be great, because no Mr. Fraternity means we're missing out on performances like this one:

This development also means the Columbia Spectator is the last remaining organization with a male beauty pageant. Long live Mr. Spectator!